For a healthier mindset in the new year, ditch the pressure

As Jan. 1 approaches each year, the messages seem to crop up everywhere: “new year, new you!” And for some people, the idea of resolving to make a significant life change can offer a burst of inspiration and motivation. For others turning over a new leaf as the calendar flips can be overwhelming – and for good reason. The holiday season can be stressful, and winter can bring weather changes that may affect mood.

It’s no wonder that as much as social media and other advertising platforms love to tout them, new year’s resolutions have a pretty dismal track record. Again and again, studies show that 80% of new year’s resolutions fail by February.

“One of the difficulties with new year’s resolutions is that they focus on a big, lofty goal, rather than thinking about how to make smaller shifts in our day-to-day lifestyles that support long-term wellness,” said Tika Trotter-Mason, LPC, Director of Behavioral Health Central Access, EmPATH and IPAC at Inova. “We can get into a trap of creating external expectations, and when we’re not where we want to be at the 30-, 60- or 90-day mark, we can start to feel guilt and shame that can spiral into mental overload. That’s an exhausting place to be.”

How new year’s resolutions can backfire

Sometimes, resolutions lack internal motivation. Instead, they may be influenced by trends, social media, family pressures or other external factors. The problem with external motivation is that most of the time, it doesn’t last. If we’re making changes because someone or something else wants us to, it won’t stick if it doesn’t align with our internal goals, values, priorities and identity. In contrast, internal motivation is associated with longer-term investment in a goal.

“We see increased levels of anxiety and depression during the new year period,” Trotter-Mason said. “Failing to complete a new year’s resolution can enable negative self-talk to set in, a harsh kind of inner criticism that makes it really challenging for people to see a pathway forward. It becomes a little bit of demoralizing, and then people lose energy and motivation. It can be quite a setback.”

Since new year’s resolutions don’t work, how can we make changes that stick?

1. Start with reflection

The first step is to look internally and think about what truly matters to you and why. Take some time to think about what’s most important to you in your life and use that as the basis for a resolution that you’d be internally motivated to complete. For example, if family is your most important priority and work has been especially busy lately, making a commitment to increase family connection in some way would be a new year’s resolution that would bring you authentic joy and satisfaction.

2. To change your life in a big way, get small

As the old adage says: How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. By starting small, you ensure the steps you’re taking are incremental and achievable. As you successfully complete each small step, you build confidence in your own ability to follow through – and that can cause an upward spiral of optimism, confidence and success.

3. Focus on the process

While new year’s resolutions focus on the ultimate outcome, it can be more helpful to focus on the process of making small, achievable changes. Break a big goal down by thinking about the processes that go into getting to that goal. Then, make some small tweaks to your routines to incorporate those process changes.

4. Lean on real self-care

Self-care, in its true sense, is about taking a moment to prioritize yourself and check in with yourself. That could be five minutes of mindful breathing. Writing down five things you’re grateful for. Taking a quick walk around the block. Write in a journal when you wake up, rather than reaching right for your phone.

“Self-care varies from person to person, but it can have such a positive impact on our mindset,” Trotter-Mason said.

5. Stack your habits

If you’re trying to make a change in your life, one great way to make it happen is to “stack” that new habit next to something you already do every day. For example, if you want to start meditating and you drink coffee every morning, you could meditate while your coffee brews. That routine stacks the new habit next to an established habit.

6. Seek support

A behavioral health professional can help you navigate new year changes sustainably, and the new year is a great time to connect with a therapist. Therapists can also help those who are struggling with persistent feelings of anxiety, depression, guilt and shame around making changes for the new year that are negatively impacting their lives in some way.

“People think that they have to wait until their lives have fallen apart and their symptoms are off the charts, but that’s not the case. Anyone absolutely can benefit from being able to have a safe space to be able to show up authentically and to be able to talk about their vision and their goals and all the things that might be going on in their lives,” Trotter-Mason said.

If you are in crisis, you’re not alone. Text or call 988 to reach the nationwide Suicide and Crisis Lifeline or go to the nearest emergency room.

7. Fall down seven times, get up eight

Last but not least, take some time to think about what you’ll do when you run into barriers or setbacks as you implement changes in your life.  

While you can prepare some contingency plans in advance, it’s also important to remember that wellness is a journey. If something happens to derail your plans, that does not mean you have failed. Get through the tough moment – whether it’s illness, a new job or something else – assess how your plans may need to be adjusted to account for your new reality, and then, when you’re ready, continue moving forward.

Remember, even though new year’s resolutions may be destined to fail, positive change is possible any time of the year. “The people who are successful in instilling those long-term habits have taken full ownership of their wellness journeys by looking internally and then thinking about their own authentic selves as they make changes,” said Trotter-Mason.

Your mental health matters

At Inova Behavioral Health Services , we’re here to listen, support and guide you toward a healthier, more balanced life.