By Sarah Brooks, LPC, Oncology Clinical Therapist, Inova Life with Cancer
“No one ever told me grief felt so like fear.” – C.S. Lewis
When we are grieving, anxiety may emerge as part of our experience. Anxious thoughts and concurrent bodily responses can be adaptive in certain situations, but when they begin to pervade our everyday life and impact our physical and emotional functioning, we want to explore below the surface.
Fear of our grief reactions or an active attempt to push away or suppress our grief – Sometimes, we fear the intense and distressing emotions that come with grief. We fear they will incapacitate us or embarrass us and that we’ll be out of control. But if we avoid or don’t allow for natural expression of emotion, it can come out “sideways” in the form of anxiety.
Our new, firsthand knowledge that life is uncertain, that we have no real control, and that the “unlikely” can happen to us – Much of what we believed about our lives and our futures has been shattered. We may start to overestimate the likelihood of bad things happening and feel that disaster can strike at any moment. We feel unsafe. In grief, we are tasked with learning to live in an unpredictable world we cannot control.
Our desire to feel safe – Chronic anxiety or worry can make us feel like we are preparing for any negative outcome that comes our way. We reason that if we think through it now, we won’t be caught off guard in the future. But what we are really doing is causing ourselves distress in the current moment.
We are all helped in different ways, but here are some strategies to try when you’re feeling anxious:
Life with Cancer, a program of Inova Schar Cancer Institute, has become Northern Virginia’s leading cancer education and support organization. We offer a variety of programs and services for patients, survivors and their family members to help individuals cope with cancer, its treatments and survivorship in the best possible way. For counseling and education, programs, support groups and resources, please contact:
703-206-5433 (703-206-LIFE) or lifewithcancer@inova.org
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This article is wonderfully written, and so true! Having just recently lost our 37 year old daughter to a glioblastoma, these exact feelings are new and very RAW. The road was long and we are left with absolutely no expectation of ever receiving good news, it was always horrible news, bad news snd worse news! However, a very small part of me feels weirdly powerful because ABSOLUTELY NOTHING can hurt me as grievously as I have already been hurt. I am left wondering if I will ever feel happiness again. Thank you for acknowledging. We will continue to attempt to get through it as I know we will never get over it!