Healthy Parenting Part 1: Time Tips

Kyle C. Averill, MEd, is the Director of the Inova Kellar School, a therapeutic education program serving students in grades 3 through 12.

It’s summertime. For many kids, that word conjures up dreams of long, lazy days full of possibilities: no school, no homework, and no strict schedules. For many parents, however, summer can feel like a void that needs to be filled with enriching activities or at least with close supervision. “If I don’t keep my kids on a schedule,” some parents say, “they’ll just waste all their time playing video games.” In this article, I want to ask a perhaps-controversial question: is that really so bad?

While I am not advocating playing video games for hours on end, I do want to make a case to include more unstructured time for children and teens.

The value of unstructured time

Unstructured time, which is time with no preplanned activities, is critically important for children’s healthy development, creativity, resilience and stress management. Many parents are navigating societal pressure to overschedule their kids. We all, it seems, instinctively understand the need to give our children and teens some unstructured time. The challenge we’re collectively facing is we’re resisting our kids’ attempts to use that unstructured time in ways we feel are unproductive.

Many parents worry about our older children or teens sitting in front of the TV or game console, calling it a waste of time. I would challenge that statement to a degree. Although I wouldn’t recommend lots of screen time for young kids, as we get into adolescence and the teen years, we should acknowledge that spending some time playing a video game or watching a TV show is a pretty good way to decompress. It’s certainly a common relaxation activity for adults. Allowing your children to choose a favorite TV show or video game can also help them develop a certain amount of independent time management.

Unstructured time has changed

When many of the people who are parents of school-age children today were in school themselves, times were different. It wasn’t uncommon for parents to send their children out to play in the neighborhood, roaming around as they pleased and not needing to come home until it was dark enough for the porch light to come on. But today, we as a culture are no longer comfortable with that model.

We need to realize times have changed, and something has to give. We’re not willing to let our kids roam around the neighborhood anymore, so we need to make a concession and realize that these unstructured screen-based activities have a place in our society.

Kids often mirror activities of their parents. That means, if parents have a strong desire not to have their children incorporate TV and video games into their unstructured “down time,” then those parents need to be able to encourage and model the behavior. What are we as parents willing to model? If we’re not willing to model it, it’s not fair of us to expect our children and teens to do something different.

Overall, we as parents are often tempted to push an antiquated parenting model onto kids in a modern society. We’re trying to mimic the parenting style we grew up with. The difference is we didn’t have access to these new technologies. So, rather than try to limit or cut out TV and video games, why not sit down and play a video game, or spend a few minutes scrolling through TikTok with your kid? It can be a great way to meet in the middle, where you can actively engage with your child and meet your child where your child is.

Unstructured time can develop into independence

Summer is also great time to help your children gain independent living skills, and unstructured time is a great vehicle to use. For example, a child in elementary school can help do their laundry. Kids can do a lot to help in the kitchen, from rinsing and slicing veggies in elementary school to preparing full meals for the family as teenagers. From learning to clean a bathroom to helping with gardening or yard work tasks, parents can engage with their children by doing independent living tasks with their children instead of for their children.

This summer, remember: Having nothing to do is one of summer’s greatest gifts for children and teens. You can support your kids’ independence by letting go of outdated models and helping your children learn how to incorporate entertainment technologies into their lives responsibly.


For Inova child and adolescent behavioral health outpatient services, call The Inova Kellar Center at 703-218-8500. For inpatient adolescent behavioral health services, or adult mental health and substance use services (both inpatient and outpatient), call 703-289-7560.

Inova Kellar Center provides a full continuum of outpatient services and programs including individual, family and group therapy; medication management; psychiatric evaluations; psychological testing; intensive outpatient programs; and partial hospitalization programs.

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